A difficult conversation around a disagreement can be a crucially productive moment in a semester—and sweeping such moments aside when they flare up often leads to problems, including students feeling unheard, alienated, hurt, and unsure where you stand—but you do have to work to make sure these moments are productive.

Handling difficult conversations comes in two phases. The first is the laying of a foundation for productive discussions. Early on in the semester it’s helpful to acknowledge that these kinds of moments may crop up, and to give students guidance in advance on how to handle them. For example, either on your own or with the participation of students, you could come up with ground rules for class conversations, rules that might include things like:

• People in the discussion should avoid name-calling and blanket judgments about one another.
• More generally, focus comments on arguments, not on the people making the arguments.
• People should feel free to step out of the classroom (or turn off cameras in Zoom sessions) if things become too hot.
• Connect the conversation to course material.

You might need to prepare yourself as well. What are your hot buttons? What’s likely to make you uneasy or upset? What will you do when your buttons get pushed?

Once you’ve done the groundwork of preparation, the second phase of handling difficult discussions is dealing with the discussions as they happen—and they may flare up quite unexpectedly. A few strategies to consider:

• Remind students of the ground rules you’ve set up. (This is one of the reasons you lay them out in advance—so that you can invoke them when necessary.)
• Be sure to manage your own response to flare-ups. If you need a moment to compose yourself, take one. For example, try turning to walk to the blackboard and taking the time to write something on the board. Or, in a virtual environment, take a moment to create a Google doc so that you can take notes there. And again, in a virtual environment, asking everyone to turn cameras off can help them and you to feel less vulnerable. (Though leaving cameras on can also help to build an atmosphere of trust, so there are tradeoffs.)
• Using the board or digital notes also reminds students that this is about ideas, not about judging the people in the room. If someone says something really inflammatory, perhaps detach the idea from the student by writing it down as a statement that can be analyzed.
• If the topic is too big and hot, too hard to manage in the moment, you can always suggest postponing until the next session, giving everyone time to gather themselves. You can even suggest relevant homework (e.g., “Each person should come in with one scholarly source on the subject”). Just remember to come back to the topic; as mentioned above, avoiding these difficult moments altogether can have consequences.